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MIDNITE.DAT
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Text File
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1992-12-11
|
44KB
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1,110 lines
; SHAMpage Data file maintained by v3.55
;
; This is the SHAMpage data file. Lines beginning with a semi-colon (;) are
; comments.
;
; Note the use of the variables *USER*, *PHONE*, *PASSWORD*, *SECURITY*,
; *TIMEENTERED*, *TIME*, *TIMEOFDAY*, *KEYWORD*, *LF*, and *FILE*.
;
; Anywhere *PASSWORD* appears, the caller's PASSWORD will be inserted.
; Anywhere *PHONE* appears, the caller's phone number substituted.
; Anywhere *SECURITY* appears, the caller's security level will be used.
; Anywhere *TIME* appears, the current time will be used.
; Anywhere *TIMEENTERED* appears, the time the door was entered will be used.
; Anywhere *USER* appears, the caller's first name will be inserted.
;
; Anywhere *KEYWORD* appears, the current matched word is used (all CAPS).
; Anywhere *keyword* appears, the current matched word is used (lower case).
; Anywhere *Keyword* appears, the current matched word is used (First Letter
; Only Capitalized).
;
; Anywhere *TIMEOFDAY* appears, either MORNING (12:00 am to 11:59 pm),
; AFTERNOON (12:00 pm to 5:59 pm) or EVENING (6:00 pm to 11:59 pm) will be
; substituted. The capitalization conventions are the same as *KEYWORD*
;
; The variables *LF* and *FILE* are somewhat different.
;
; *LF* means: split the line here, send a line-feed and continue typing the
; rest of the line.
;
; If the left-most string in a key word reply is *FILE*, SHAMpage will open
; a file matching the name on the remainder of that line and type its
; contents to the caller.
;
; There is another variable, not yet mentioned: *ALIAS*. This allows
; several key words to share the same set of responses. See the comments
; on the key words for more information about this particular variable.
;
; *********************************************************
; * ADDITIONAL VARIABLES AVAILABLE ONLY IF USING DOOR.SYS *
; *********************************************************
;
; All the variables above work whether you are using DORINFOx.DEF or DOOR.SYS
; as your drop file. The following variables work ONLY if you use DOOR.SYS:
;
; *BIRTHDATE* = Caller's date of birth (00/00/00).
; *DOWNLOADS* = Caller's total downloads from your board.
; *LASTCALLED* = Date the caller last called.
; *TIMESON* = Number of times the caller has called your board.
; *UPLOADS* = Caller's total uploads to your board.
;
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
;
; These are the opening lines which are generated randomly.
;
; The format is:
;
; NUMBER OF OPENING LINES (no limit)
; OPENING LINE 1
; OPENING LINE 2
; OPENING LINE 3
; etc.
;
; NOTE: Do NOT use *KEYWORD* variables in OPENING LINES!
;
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
25
*USER*, I have other things I could be doing this *timeofday* (like sleeping).
*USER*, it's *TIME* - just how bored ARE you, anyhow?
Damn! It's just you, *USER*... Kathy Willets usually calls around *TIME*.
Damn! Who let YOU in here at *TIME*, *USER*?
Did you know that BBSing at *TIME* is a SICKNESS, *USER*?
Don't you have anything better to do at *TIME*, *USER*?
Geesh *USER*, it's *TIME*. Don't you ever sleep?
How did I get here at *TIME*, and WHO are YOU, *USER*?
I don't care WHO you are *USER*! It's *TIME* and I'm tired!
I only have time for a quickie, *USER*.
If I was you *USER*, I'd be out partying this *timeofday*.
It's *TIME*, this better be important, *USER*!
My head hurts, my feet stink, and I badly need some sleep, *USER*.
Rich ain't here *USER*, this is the cleaning lady.
Rich is asleep. This is the computer taking over, *USER*.
So your love life stinks too, huh, *USER*?
Tell me everything you know, *USER*. You have 2 minutes.
Welcome to late-nite DrawBridge, *USER*.
What are you doing here at *TIME*, *USER*?
What the heck do YOU want at *TIME*, *USER*?
Whatever your question *USER*, the answer is NO at *TIME*!
When do you ever sleep, *USER*?
Yawn! Wait... Let me wake up your sister, *USER*.
Yawn! What time is it, *USER*?
You know *USER*, nobody pays me to do this at *TIME*.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
;
; These are lines sent when SHAMpage terminates normally.
;
; The format is:
;
; EXITMSG
; NUMBER OF EXIT LINES (maximum of 4)
; LINE 1
; LINE 2
; LINE 3
; etc.
;
; NOTE: Do NOT use *KEYWORD* variables in EXIT LINES!
;
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
EXITMSG
4
Relax, *USER*, lighten up! This was a joke!
I hope you enjoyed chatting with a machine! <Grin>
Rich is sound asleep right now, like all good little boys should be.
Next time, try paging at a reasonable hour!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
;
; These are lines sent when no keyword match occurs.
;
; The format is:
;
; NOMATCH
; NUMBER OF REPLIES (maximum of 10)
; REPLY 1
; REPLY 2
; REPLY 3
; etc.
;
; NOTE: Do NOT use *KEYWORD* variables in NOMATCH replies!
;
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
NOMATCH
10
Ask me in the morning.
Do you have ANY idea what time it is?
I have a hard time thinking straight at this hour.
It's *TIME*, do you know where your mind is?
Like I care at this hour...
No kidding!
Right. It's too late to think straight. Try calling *PHONE*.
What am I DOING here at *TIME*???
Why do you say that, *USER*?
You've obviously mistaken me for a wide awake person.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
;
; Following are the key words to check. You may have up to 100 key words
; (and up to five (5) *ALIAS*'s per key word). Key words and *ALIAS*'s must
; be in UPPER CASE!
;
; If you want to check for an EXACT match of a whole word only, surround it
; with spaces. If your key word or *ALIAS* contains any leading or trailing
; spaces, encase it in quotes.
;
; For example: key word = TRUCK will match FIRETRUCK, TRUCKER & TRUCK
; key word = " TRUCK" will not match FIRETRUCK
; key word = " TRUCK " will match only TRUCK
;
; The format is:
;
; KEYWORD
; *ALIAS* [ANOTHER KEYWORD] - you are allowed up to 5 *ALIAS*'s per KEYWORD
; *ALIAS* [" ANOTHER KEYWORD"]
; *ALIAS* ["ANOTHER KEYWORD "]
; *ALIAS* [" ANOTHER KEYWORD "]
; NUMBER OF REPLIES (maximum of 10)
; REPLY 1
; REPLY 2
; REPLY 3
; etc.
;
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #1
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
!!!
*ALIAS* ???
*ALIAS* AAA
*ALIAS* BBB
*ALIAS* CCC
*ALIAS* DDD
2
Got a sticky key there, *USER*?
Looks like you could use a new keyboard. One of your keys seem to be *LF* sticking.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #2
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
/S
*ALIAS* /Q
2
ERROR!!! *KEYWORD* does not compute.
Wrong command! Hahahahahah
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #3
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
ACCESS
*ALIAS* VALIDATE
10
*Keyword* THIS!
Can I have access to your bank account?
Can I have access to your sister?
Do you want "Kathy Willets Access" or "Sheriff Nick Access"?
Hit [Alt] H for FREE unlimited access!
I don't want it now, I want it RIGHT now!
I should give more access to someone with a stupid password like *PASSWORD*?
More access, more access... all I ever hear is "I want more access"!
Sure. You want kiddie access, right?
You want more access? Sure - hit [Alt] H now.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #4
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
ADULT
*ALIAS* " GIF"
*ALIAS* X-RATED
*ALIAS* XXX
6
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.
Computer sex is nothing compared to the real thing, *USER*.
Damn! Another PERVERT on line!
I was in the middle of some LIVE Adult Access when you paged me!
Sure I have adult areas. Call back when you grow up.
Upload a nude GIF of yourself and I'll give you adult access.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #5
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
ALWAYS
2
I always say, "Never say always."
There's no such thing as always, *USER*.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #6
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
ANNOY
*ALIAS* BOTHER
3
Boy, do YOU have thin skin!
I don't get bothered easily.
Now, don't get so huffy, *USER*!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #7
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" ASS "
*ALIAS* ASSHOLE
6
A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste!
I dumped Sonya because one asshole in my pants is enough.
I prefer the word "donkey".
It takes one to know one, *USER*.
Nobody likes a smart ASS, *USER*!
You're making quite an *keyword* out of yourself, *USER*.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #8
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
AWESOME
*ALIAS* " DUDE "
*ALIAS* BITCHIN
*ALIAS* COOL
*ALIAS* SURF
9
"*Keyword*", huh? You have a great vocabulary, *USER*.
Bodacious!
Come back in 10 years when you're all grown up!
Fer shure...
Gag me with a spoon!
Gnarly!
Radical!
Silence is golden. So shut up and get rich!
That's the problem with the gene pool - no lifeguard.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #9
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
BBS
5
I could've BBS'ed all *timeofday*...
No, BBS doesn't stand for "Big Black Stud"!
What's this "BBS" thing you keep talking about, *USER*?
You don't like it here *USER*, call the Onyx BBS!
You mean this BBS?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #10
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" BITCH "
3
Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!
Life's a bitch, isn't it, *USER*?
What do female dogs have to do with this?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #11
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" BLOW "
*ALIAS* BLOWS
3
Blow it out your ass, *USER*!
Blow this!
For a great blow job, call *PHONE*!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #12
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
BOARD
3
Did you mean to say "board" or "bored"?
The source code is on drive B:
This is just your typical leech board.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #13
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
BRIDGE
1
Yeah, this IS DrawBridge BBS.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #14
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
BUSY
7
As a freakin' bee...
I think you need call-waiting, *USER*.
That's weird - I never get a busy signal here!
That's why they invented auto-redial, turkey!
Try calling from another phone, *USER*.
Well, if you'd just get a life *USER*, you could be busy too!
You think this board is busy, try calling *PHONE*!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #15
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" CAN "
5
I'd rather talk about something else.
If I knew, I wouldn't tell you, *USER*.
Not this *timeofday*.
Sure.
Why not?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #16
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" CHERI "
6
Cheri's all talk - no action!
Guess who got Cheri's cherry!
I slept with Cheri once. She's actually a prude.
Screw Cheri!
This is most definitely NOT the stupid Cheri program!
Unfortunately, Cheri's been out of action ever since that phone call *LF* from Magic Johnson.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #17
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" COCK"
*ALIAS* " DICK"
*ALIAS* " PRICK "
2
I have 12 inches. And that's just my power cord.
Sounds like you have a bad case of penis envy, *USER*.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #18
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
COMPUTER
*ALIAS* " PC "
*ALIAS* MACHINE
10
At least you never owe alimony to a *keyword*.
But have you ever slept with a *keyword*, *USER*?
Can you talk dirty in machine language, *USER*?
My name is HAL, nice to meet you *USER*.
No, this is a real live human being you are chatting with, *USER*.
Shut up about *keyword*s already *USER*. I'm sick of them!
Sure this is a *keyword*. And you're chopped liver?
That does not compute...
Want to see my hard drive?
You're the jerk sitting there conversing with a dumb machine!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #19
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" COST"
*ALIAS* CHARGE
*ALIAS* MONEY
*ALIAS* SUBSCRI
5
Ask about our special Kathy Willets rate for adult access.
How much did you make last year, *USER*? Send it in.
Send me your first-born son - I'll see what I can do.
Well, it's cheaper than those 1-900 smut numbers you call!
You must be: *LF* 1) female *LF* 2) willing to sleep with the SysOp!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #20
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" CUNT "
*ALIAS* PUSSY
*ALIAS* TWAT
4
Can't spell "vagina", huh?
I just joined pussyholics anonymous.
If little girls are made of sugar & spice, how come they all taste *LF* like anchovies?
Life is a bitch... then you marry one.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #21
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" CUTE"
3
Cute THIS! *USER*
My life's ambition... to be CUTE!
Yeah. You're cute too, *USER*!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #22
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" DOOR"
5
Ah! The Doors! C'mon Baby, Light My Fire!
Don't look now, but YOUR barn door's open!
I think you have to run Windows for that.
The Ferengi destroyed all the doors yesterday *timeofday*...
You need to go to the door menu for the doors, Einstein!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #23
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
DOWNLOAD
*ALIAS* " D-L"
*ALIAS* " D/L"
*ALIAS* " DL "
*ALIAS* DOWN LOAD
*ALIAS* DOWN-LOAD
10
*Keyword* THIS!
DOWNLOAD, v. - See rape.
Does your computer have a [Page Up] key? Have you located it yet?
Hit [Alt] H to get to the File Menu.
Hmmm... let me see... *USER*... downloads: *DOWNLOADS*, uploads: *UPLOADS**LF*And you want to download???
I tried every channel this *timeofday*. I couldn't find any good programs!
Maybe if you tried uploading something WORTHWHILE for a change.
Try F-modem next time!
Try uploading more than *UPLOADS* files!
You want a good program, read TV Guide.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #24
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
DUMB
*ALIAS* STUPID
4
Hey! It's YOUR dime, *USER*, not mine...
So?
Why?
You're the one who's chatting with a *keyword* machine, *USER*!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #25
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
EEE
*ALIAS* FFF
*ALIAS* GGG
*ALIAS* HHH
*ALIAS* III
*ALIAS* JJJ
2
Got a sticky key there, *USER*?
Looks like you could use a new keyboard. One of your keys seem to be *LF* sticking.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #26
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" ELIZA "
5
Eliza has AIDS.
Eliza retired last year.
I slept with Eliza once. She's not that good!
No, this is NOT that idiot Eliza program!
Screw Eliza!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #27
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" FILE"
6
File THIS.
File? What kind would you like? Rasp? Nail file?
Mike Tyson & Jeffrey Dahlmer called today looking for files too.
Sheeet! You already have more files than I do, *USER*!
Yeah, I have LOTS of files. Don't you wish you did, *USER*?
You file piggies are all alike...
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #28
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FRIENDLY
3
I hear your mother is pretty "user friendly" too...
Well, thanks, *USER*.
You want friendly, go to an ice cream store.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #29
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FUCK
9
And fuck the horse you rode in on too!
Do you realize your father is a mother fucker?
Fuck THIS!
Fuck you too, *USER*!
I'm a fan of Doogie (Howser) style, myself.
Is that the same mouth you use to kiss your dog?
Is that the same mouth you use to kiss your mother?
Nice mouth!
Yeah, that's what your mother said, too.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #30
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FUNNY
*ALIAS* HA HA
*ALIAS* HAHA
*ALIAS* JOKE
*ALIAS* LAFF
*ALIAS* LAUGH
6
Funny stuff, huh?
Quit it! You're killing me!
So you think that's funny, huh? You're warped!
Sometimes I kill myself!
What a sense of humor...
You think that's funny? Try looking in the mirror, *USER*!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #31
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" GAME"
2
The Ferengi destroyed all my games yesterday *timeofday*...
You need to go to the door menu for the games, Einstein!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #32
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
GIRL
*ALIAS* BROAD
7
A *keyword* a day keeps the wife away.
I got a Harley-Davidson for my girlfriend - GOOD TRADE!
I have one rule - I never sleep with anyone who doesn't look at least 13.
I prefer WOMEN, myself.
I've met your girlfriend, *USER*. OINK, OINK!
If little girls are made of sugar & spice, how come they all taste *LF* like anchovies?
What a pervert!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #33
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
GOODBY
*ALIAS* " TTY"
*ALIAS* BYE
*ALIAS* GOOD BY
*ALIAS* OUT OF HERE
*ALIAS* SEE YA
5
Aw gee... and I was having so much fun.
Going somewhere *USER*?
Good Buy? Do you have something to sell?
Hello.
Not yet, I'm not finished with you *USER*.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #34
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
HELLO
*ALIAS* " HI "
*ALIAS* " YO "
3
Hello *USER*.
I already said hello *USER*... what's the matter with you???
I never give greetings in the *timeofday*!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #35
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
HELP
*ALIAS* "/?"
*ALIAS* "/H"
8
"Help" - one of my favorite Beatles tunes...
God helps those who help themselves. Trouble is, there's no God.
How much is it worth to you?
Read the stinkin' Docs!
Sorry, the help man is on vacation. Please ask again in two weeks.
Sorry, you've already used your quota of help today, *USER*.
You must be joking!
You're beyond help, *USER*.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #36
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
HMM
3
Hmm a little tune for me...
I know you're thinking, *USER*... I can smell the brain cells *LF* burning...
What's wrong *USER*? Your brain has an interrupt conflict?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #37
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOBBY
1
HOBBY??? You think I do this for a living???
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #38
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" HOSER "
1
Some of my best friends are hosers!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #39
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" HOW"
7
Bozos. I am surrounded by Bozos!
Don't ask me, ask Sheriff Nick.
How?
How? Are you some kinda Injun or something?
How? Ask Pee Wee Herman.
How??? Kawabunga!
If I knew how, I wouldn't be here farting around with YOU.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #40
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
HUMAN
2
Hunan? No, I prefer Szechuan.
Sure I'm human. I just think like a computer.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #41
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'
*ALIAS* " ME "
7
But what about MY feelings, *USER*?
Can't you talk about anything besides yourself?
Don't you have anything INTERESTING to talk about, *USER*?
Me, me, me... do you live in front of your mirror?
Me, me, me... is that all you ever think about?
What would you like me to do this *timeofday* to make you feel happy, *USER*?
Who cares about you as a person, anyway?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #42
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
INSULT
3
I resent that remark!
Will Rogers obviously never met you, did he?
Would I insult my 832nd favorite user?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #43
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
KKK
*ALIAS* LLL
*ALIAS* MMM
*ALIAS* NNN
*ALIAS* OOO
*ALIAS* PPP
2
Got a sticky key there, *USER*?
Looks like you could use a new keyboard. One of your keys seem to be *LF* sticking.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #44
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
LEGAL
2
Everything's legal, until you get caught.
I don't know. Try asking Sheriff Nick.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #45
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" LICK "
2
Know the speed limit on Hwy. 69? Lickety-Split!
Lick, suck, fuck... I do it all.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #46
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
MAIL
*ALIAS* " MSG"
5
Ask your mailman.
Beats the hell out of the Post Office, doesn't it?
I don't DO mail!
Too cheap to buy a lousy 30¢ postage stamp?
You want mail *USER*? Try SENDING some!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #47
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
MAYBE
*ALIAS* PERHAPS
5
*Keyword*? Doing your George Bush wimp imitation again?
*Keyword*? Jeez, what a decisive S.O.B. you are!
And *keyword* not? Aww gee.
No two ways about it, right *USER*?
When I say *keyword*, it usually means NO!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #48
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
MODEM
2
Modem? Like in, "I wan' mo' dem chitlins"?
The only thing around here with a dual standard is the SysOp!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #49
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
MOOD
4
Actually, I'm in one of my better moods this *timeofday*.
Don't mind me. I'm always like this in the *timeofday*.
My mood will improve when this dumb chat ends.
You should see me when I'm in a bad mood.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #50
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
MOTHER
*ALIAS* " MA "
*ALIAS* " MAMA"
*ALIAS* " MOM"
7
Did you know Mother's Day is the biggest holiday of the year in Harlem?
I hear your mother is pretty "user friendly" too...
I know all about yo momma, son.
Is it true that "mother" is only half-a-word?
So does your grandmother.
When you say mother, are you typing the whole word, or just half?
Yeah, that's what your mother said, too.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #51
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" MY "
3
My my my...
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
You really have a point there. Wear a hat and it won't show.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #52
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
NEVER
1
Never say never...
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #53
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" NO "
*ALIAS* " NAH "
*ALIAS* " NOPE "
4
Oh, gee *USER*, smile a little. Loosen up. Maybe you'll get lucky.
Such a negative attitude.
Yes!
You're being contrary and obnoxious again.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #54
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" NOT"
2
Are you just being negative?
I disagree.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #55
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
NPD
4
NPD? ...hmmm... you mean Nick's Police Department???
Sure, lots... but you can't have any!!!
What does this look like? Some kind of pirate board?
You want pirated stuff, call Captain Hook!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #56
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" OLD "
3
Old enough to be your grandfather.
Old enough to know better.
Older than the hills.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #57
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
PIRATE
3
Ask Peter Pan.
The last guy who asked that had to walk the plank!
The last guy who asked that was keel-hauled!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #58
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" PISS"
2
It's better to be pissed off than pissed on!
You think YOU'RE pissed!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #59
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
POSSIBLE
3
Anything's possible.
Not likely.
Possible... but not probable.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #60
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
PRIVATE
5
Can I have access to your sister's private areas?
If I told you, it wouldn't be very private, now, would it?
No, but you can have access to the lieutenant areas.
What does this look like? Some kind of pirate board?
You want pirated stuff, call Captain Hook!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #61
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
PROGRAM
4
I tried every channel this *timeofday*. I couldn't find any good programs!
My favorite program is "Beverly Hillbillies"
To get good programs around here, you need cable.
You want a good program, read TV Guide.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #62
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
QQQ
*ALIAS* RRR
*ALIAS* SSS
*ALIAS* TTT
*ALIAS* UUU
*ALIAS* VVV
2
Got a sticky key there, *USER*?
Looks like you could use a new keyboard. One of your keys seem to be *LF* sticking.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #63
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
QUESTION
2
Questions. All *timeofday*, nothing but questions.
What makes you think I know the answer?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #64
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" REAL "
4
But have you ever slept with a PC?
Can you talk dirty in machine language?
I'm a machine all right. A pretty darn SMART one!
Shut up about computers already!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #65
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
REGIST
1
*FILE* Sendit.Asc
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #66
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" RICH"
8
I'm Rich... and you're NOT!
My name is Rich, but you may call me "Your Royal SysOp".
OK, OK! I lied! My name is really Tyler Burns!
Rich, Rich, Bo Bich, Bonana-fana Fo Fich, Fi Fie Mo Mich...
Rich? No he's not here this *timeofday*.
Sorry, Rich isn't here this *timeofday*. My name is HAL!
That's my name. Don't wear it out!
Yeah, this is Rich. Who the heck did you think it was?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #67
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCUMBAG
*ALIAS* " CONDOM "
*ALIAS* SCUM BAG
2
Remember when safe sex meant locking the car door?
Yes, I believe in safe sex too!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #68
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" SEX"
3
Computer sex is nothing compared to the real thing.
I was in the middle of some LIVE sex when you paged me, *USER*!
Remember when safe sex meant locking the car door?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #69
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHAMPAGE
5
Hell no. Do you think a bogus chat door could type multiple lines *LF* line this? *LF* or this?
I've heard of that. That's some kind of bogus page door, right?
No, this is not that stupid shampage program!
No, this is really really me!
Now, *USER*, would I do a thing like that?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #70
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHIT
*ALIAS* CRAP
*ALIAS* TURD
10
A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste!
Are you feeling lucky, punk?
I nominate you for Public Enema #1.
I'm surprised you can spell *keyword*, *USER*.
If this were the REAL world, You'd be in TROUBLE!
Is that the same mouth you use to kiss your mother?
Nice mouth!
Nice talk, garbage-mouth.
Nothing that a little Ex-Lax won't cure.
You seem to have a solid waste fixation, *USER*.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #71
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SLEEP
*ALIAS* ZZZ
2
I am asleep. Some people walk in their sleep, I type in my sleep.
Who can sleep at this hour?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #72
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SMART
1
Smarter than the average bear.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #73
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SORRY
5
Apology accepted. Just don't let it happen again *USER*!
Sorry? No, I prefer backgammon, myself...
You should be sorry!
You're not kidding - you're really sorry!
You're sorry all right...
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #74
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SPEED
3
Slow down and smell the flowers!
Speed kills!
Speed? No, I think you need downers...
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #75
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
STRANGE
*ALIAS* CRAZY
*ALIAS* WEIRD
4
How so?
The whole concept is a little *keyword*, don't you think?
What's so *keyword* about it?
You're *keyword* too, *USER*. I like that in a person!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #76
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SUCK
6
IBM also sucks, who cares?
PC Bored also sucks, come to think of it.
So does your grandmother.
Suck THIS!
What's the matter? Your "F" key broken?
Whatsamatter - you've forgotten how to fuck?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #77
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SYSOP
7
Hey, I'm out of bed and almost dressed. What the hell more do you *LF* want?
I'm not arrogant... I'm just BETTER than you.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
SYSOP n. - see masochist
SysOp? What the heck is this thing you call "SysOp"?
Yes, this is the SysOp. But you can call me Sir.
You want to be a SysOp??? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #78
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THANK
3
Any time...
It was nothing.
You're welcome.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #79
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" TIME"
10
All everybody wants is more time, more time, more time.
Geez, that's funny. I never run out of time here.
Hey, you've been wasting all your time since *TIMEENTERED* chatting with me!
Mike Tyson wishes he had LESS time!
There's no time like the future.
Time's fun when you're having flies.
Time. That's a magazine, isn't it?
Time? I have *TIME*, what does your watch say?
Try spending some money on a fast modem instead of fast women!
What would you do with it if I gave you more time?
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #80
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" TYPE "
2
I went to the "Hunt & Peck" school for typists.
Yeah, I type fast... for a SysOp!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #81
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
UPLOAD
*ALIAS* " U-L"
*ALIAS* " U/L"
*ALIAS* " UL "
*ALIAS* UP LOAD
*ALIAS* UP-LOAD
4
No thank you. I already have Autoexec.Bat & Config.Sys
Sure. And the check is in the mail too, right *USER*?
Try uploading something USEFUL for a change.
Your last batch of uploads went straight into the circular file!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #82
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WANT
1
Want, want, want... geez slow down a little. It's the 90's now, not the *LF* "me-first" 80's.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #83
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHEN
7
After dinner.
Never.
Next Tuesday *timeofday*.
Tomorrow.
When Hell turns to Lime Jello.
When the rivers run dry.
Whenever...
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #84
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHERE
4
In bed with your sister.
In jail.
In the bathroom.
Somewhere over the rainbow.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #85
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHO
4
And just who the heck are YOU, *USER*?
I give up, who?
I'll give you three guesses.
Stop with the "Who" already! You sound like a freakin' owl!
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #86
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHY
5
Because that's the way it is.
Did you just ask me why? Why?
Sometimes there is no reason. Shit Happens.
Why not?
Why? Because we like you! Ask M-I-C-K-E-Y.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #87
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WOMAN
*ALIAS* FEMALE
*ALIAS* GIRL FRIEND
*ALIAS* GIRLFRIEND
*ALIAS* WIFE
*ALIAS* WOMEN
8
And here I thought you were gay.
Bigamy: Too many wives. Monogamy: See Bigamy.
I know all about yo momma, son.
Most women are slime.
What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? *LF* Lipstick!
When you say mother, are you typing the whole word, or just half?
Women! Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em!
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think...
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #88
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WORK
9
A penny earned is cheap labor.
But have you ever heard of someone going blind WORKING with himself?
It only works when you're not looking.
Nothing from IBM works.
Ouch!!! The "W" word!
There isn't much around workinf this *timeofday*, that's for sure...
Work is the curse of the partying class!
Work?!? WATCH your language *USER*!
Yeah, ask Kathy Willets about work...
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #89
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WWW
*ALIAS* ,,
*ALIAS* YYY
2
Got a sticky key there, *USER*?
Looks like you could use a new keyboard. One of your keys seem to be *LF* sticking.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #90
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
YES
*ALIAS* YEAH
*ALIAS* YEP
*ALIAS* YUP
4
*Keyword*? Are you THAT easy?
I forgot the question. What were we talking about?
That's "si" to you. You're in South Florida now!
That's easy for you to say, *USER*.
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
; KEY WORD #91
;----------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOUR NAME
7
I'll give you a hint... it's not *USER* (thank God!)
My name Jose Jimenez.
My name is Rich, but you may call me "Your Royal SysOp".
OK, OK! I lied! My name is really Tyler Burns!
Rich, Rich, Bo Bich, Bonana-fana Fo Fich, Fi Fie Mo Mich...
Tell me your REAL name, and maybe I'll tell you mine.
What's the matter, you can't read?